“Hi I’m Donna, And I’m An Alcoholic.”

My story of addiction has two primary messages, both of which I share with you to help decrease the stigma of this horrific disease. The first is that addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer. It can affect the doctor. The lawyer. The professor. The businessman. Your family member. YOU. It knows no political, economic, social, religious or education status. The demon of addiction can manifest in anyone – no matter who they are.

The second message is best summed up by a quote from J.K. Rowling, with a Dr. D addition – “Rock bottom is simply the place you decide to stop digging, and the foundation upon which you begin to rebuild your life.”

Part of the stigma of addiction is that people who are not afflicted with the disease often think of the addict or alcoholic as the homeless person on the side of the road who lives inside the bottle or needle, who lost everything including his or her home, family, job, relationships and/or health. But this is simply not true. As I stated above, addiction can be diagnosed in anyone. It is not about intelligence, will power, strength or any other controllable factor. It is also not about the severity of the disease or how functional the person remains in life. Addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer that can manifest in an infinite number of ways. This must be understood in our society in order to lower stigma and increase access to treatment. Click here for a deeper dive into what addiction is… and what it is not.

I want to share my academic background only to highlight my point. After attending a gifted program in elementary school, I transitioned to an institution called Pine View School for the Gifted. It is a challenging public school requiring a certain IQ for acceptance. During my high school years, when I began my relationship with drugs and alcohol, I took enough college accredited courses that I got into grad school by the age of 20. I had my doctorate by 23, was a clinical professor by 25, and moved onto my second career path in the pharmaceutical industry by age 30, earning an amazing salary that astounded my family, who has always been solidly middle-class.

I didn’t come from money but I never needed for anything. More importantly, my parents gave me the most critical thing a family can provide – unconditional love and support. My good friends did the same, so that when I finally chose to get help, it was easy to admit my disease to my loved ones. Despite my academic intellect, economic means, and social support, I still ended up an alcoholic… because addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer. I share my story only to help lower the stigma. Maybe at least one reader will look differently at the next person they see suffering from addiction.

With regard to my second message, I ask you to rethink the definition of rock bottom. First of all, you don’t have to be an alcoholic or addict to feel completely hopeless and helpless with your current situation. Many of you face the same emotions as alcoholics and addicts; you may experience fear, anger, depression, anxiety, loss, and shame, to name a few. Whether you want to stop using an unhealthy substance, lose weight, or change any chronic behavior pattern, rock bottom is simply the point where you become sick and tired of being sick and tired – and decide to do something about it.

This doesn’t mean you have lost everything, or anything at all, for that matter. Therefore I urge you to reconsider who the alcoholic is, raise the definition of rock bottom, and start discussing a potential problem early on, so the losses that haven’t happened yet don’t become the losses that occurred.

When I chose to get help, I was still succeeding at my job. With respect to friends, family, and colleagues, my relationships were intact. My economic means were flourishing. Although I was experiencing health problems common to many alcoholics – like insomnia, anxiety, and gastrointestinal issues – I still had a healthy liver. I was active and in good shape, with great markers of health per my physician. Up until the last few months of my drinking, I had a relatively amazing career filled with all the glamour society often idolizes, like international travel, intoxicating luxury, and VIP experiences I never dreamed possible. This is another challenge, at least for alcoholics, because alcohol is legal and socially accepted. No wonder alcohol is killing more people than opioids.

Despite the superficial fun and apparent life successes I accomplished, I still hit my rock bottom. I experienced a couple tragic events, including a beloved family member’s suicide plus a painful romantic breakups, and decided I wanted to stop drinking for a while. What had been a fun run with alcohol was turning into something that inhibited my grieving process and ability to attract the kind of successful, romantic relationship I wanted. So I tried… and I just couldn’t stop. That is when I knew I had a problem.

I was actually drinking very little at the end in comparison to my party past, and learned quickly alcoholism has nothing to do with what kind or how much you drink. As I explained in my article “An Introduction to Mental Illness and Addiction”, even the medical definition clearly states the disease can range from mild to severe. The definition also notes recovery is possible – regardless of disease severity.

Once I realized I was powerless over alcohol and my life inside my head had become unmanageable, I knew I needed to quit drinking – and I knew I needed help. I desperately wanted to regain my sanity and discover what serenity would feel like. The hardest choice I have ever made was the best choice I have ever made. After accepting my disease, letting go of the resistance to leave behind a substance and lifestyle that had been part of my life for so long, and opening up my heart to receive help, I felt reborn. I felt hopeful. I felt free. Don’t get me wrong – the work that follows is not easy. It can be painful. It can bring up emotions previously covered up by substances. It can be raw, vulnerable, and traumatic… yet it can completely transform your life… if you let it.

I will end this article by saying it doesn’t matter who you are or your current situation – there is a solution. Everyone’s path is different, both with respect to the disease and the treatment. What matters is that first step, which is recognizing that you have a problem and deciding to do something about it. It is probably the simplest thing one can do, but remember – simple is not synonymous with easy. Not even close. If you are at the step of truly looking in the mirror and being honest with your need to change, congratulations – you’ve accomplished half the battle, and in my opinion, the hardest part!

Click here for my article on how to investigate if you have a problem with drugs or alcohol. Stay tuned for more information on how to get help, suggestions for the loved one of an alcoholic/addict, and other recovery resources for both acute and long-term success in sobriety. Hopefully my story helps shed some light on the pervasiveness of the disease, the need to decrease stigma, and the promise that there is hope!